


Total Darkness

by Shi_Toyu



Series: Darkness in Light [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Adult John Watson, Bonding, Carnival, Conversations, Emotional Baggage, Jim Being Creepy, Jim being Jim, Jim needs a hug, John is a Saint, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-14 00:03:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5722102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shi_Toyu/pseuds/Shi_Toyu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The third and final portion of the series. Jim and John go to a carnival.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Total Darkness

John couldn't help but laugh a little.

"The carnival, Jim? Really? How did you even think of this?" His tone betrayed his amusement and slight boyish excitement. "I haven't been to a carnival in…I don't even know how long."

Jim smiled at him, one hand holding a corndog and the other holding John's own hand.

"I thought it might be fun. You need more fun in your life. Besides, I haven't been to one before."

John huffed.

"I have fun," he protested.

"By going out for a pint with that detective inspector fellow to complain about Sherlock? By visiting that sister of yours to try and get her life back on the right track?" He tutted. "That's no life, John. Oh, let's try that one!"

He dragged John toward a booth with little piles of balls on the counter and stacks of three cans along the back wall. The carnie smiled at them as they approached, revealing a missing tooth. The rest of the ones in his mouth were yellowed from what John guessed was years of chain smoking. He had a pack stuck in his breast pocket.

"Jus' three poun' per roun', gen'lemen! Care to give i' a whirl?" He squinted at Jim. "You do sports growin' up? I bet you got you a Hell o' an arm."

John's eyebrows rose. The carnie was certainly laying it on pretty thick but then, he supposed, that was the man's job. Jim was grinning like the mad man he was, his entire body practically vibrating with excitement. It was hard, in moments like this, to remember that he was responsible for most of the successful crime in the United Kingdom, if not the world.

"You want to give it a try?" the blond asked.

He didn't wait for Jim's answer, already knowing what it would be. Instead he just reached for his wallet and pulled out the three pounds, handing them over to the grinning carnie.

"Wha-" Jim looked stunned. "I am supposed to be taking you on this date! You can't pay!"

John just grinned at him.

"Where's the _fun_ in that?" He reached out to pluck the corndog from Jim's hand. "Besides, you've never been to a carnival before and you paid for the tickets. You deserve to be treated on your first time. Now, I'll hold this. You play the game."

He made a little shooing motion with one hand and Jim broke into a grin, pulling John in for a quick peck on the lips before turning back to the game.

"So I just knock over the cans, right?

"You go' i'! You go' four tries. You knock over one can, you ge' to pick any prize on this wall." He gestured to the wall beside him, where a selection of small toys were hung. "Knock over two cans, you ge' one from up 'ere." He gestured to the front of the booth where plush toys about two feet tall hung. "Ge' all o' 'em and you ge' a toy off tha' wall."

The final wall was full of the over-sized plushes so typical of carnivals. John saw Jim's gaze linger on a stuffed panda that was easily as big as he was with a mustache and wearing a little top hat and bowtie. Jim picked up the first ball and frowned at the weight in his palm.

"They're weighted," John warned. "Carnie standard."

The carnie glared at him, but Jim just grinned.

"Not a problem! You'll be walking out of here with the biggest toy in this whole carnival. Just you wait."

A half an hour later, it'd become blindingly apparent to everyone in the area that Jim was…not gifted when it came to carnival games. John squeezed his hand and reeled him in to press a quick kiss to the side of his head. The blond blushed immediately in embarrassment, but at least the pout left Jim's face. Instead, he was staring at John with wide eyes. Clearly, he hadn't expected the show of intimacy, either.

"Oh, um, sorry."

"No," a small smile slipped onto Jim's face, "you're fine. I just hadn't thought you were quite ready for that yet." He heaved a dramatic sigh and plopped his head onto John's shoulder. "You do so make me work for it, Johnny-boy. Always holding back for the sake of society." He spoke the word almost like it was a curse. "Such prudes, all of them. Most people don't even stop to think about where their own beliefs came from. And you, John, you are so focused on being good by society's standards. Being with me won't be easy for you."

John pulled up short from their easy stroll, tugging Jim to a stop, too. The international criminal sent him a quizzical look, but John just couldn't quite get past the words he was pretty sure were going unsaid. His mind flashed back to their last meeting, at the café when Jim had revealed how much the pains of his younger years still weighed on him.

"Jim, I-"

He wasn't even sure what he wanted to say. John wasn't going to let society come between them? This was technically their first date and John hadn't even really meant to agree to it. He couldn't exactly go throwing around declarations like that. A part of him was still pretty convinced this was all going to go horribly, horribly wrong. It wasn't even just a small part, either.

"It's okay." Jim's eyes softened just a bit. "I knew the risks before I approached you in the first place. I was prepared to deal with things no matter how they went. That's not going to change now." His gaze flickered downward, lingering somewhere in the vicinity of their still-joined hands. "I'm not going to hurt you for saying the wrong thing, John, or take it out on the people you care about if this doesn't work out."

"Why?" The word was out of John's mouth before he thought about it and he quickly rushed to clarify. "I mean, I'm not saying it didn't cross my mind but it also wasn't something I automatically assumed. Just, why wouldn't you? If I hurt you, why wouldn't you hurt me back?"

Jim didn't answer right away, giving John a long, searching look. After a moment he turned away, dropping John's hand and heading for a nearby bench. John followed after nervously, a touch concerned and not quite sure what to expect. Jim leaned forward, his hands rubbing over his face before letting his elbows settle on his knees.

"Do you ever get tired, John? Tired of seeing all the things you see? Tired of the world going on around you and having to keep up?"

Jim's gaze lifted slowly to meet John's. All of a sudden, he looked tired.

"I'm…I'm not sure I know what you mean."

John fought back the urge to reach for Jim. He couldn't be sure it would be well received at the moment.

"I have fought for every scrap I have," Jim confessed. It sounded like a confession, at least. "My entire life has been me having to face down someone or another. It's how all of this started." He gestured with his hands as if to encompass everything around them. "My empire, my consulting, my game with Sherlock. It's all been just a way to keep myself afloat. Because you know, John, after I had managed to outmaneuver everyone else? There was still my brain _screaming_ at me that there was more to do." His voice sounded raw with emotion. "I've never been able to stop, John. I've only been able to survive."

John reached for him then, twining his fingers with those of Jim's hand and pulling it into his own lap. His other hand curled around it to rub soothing circles against the skin of Jim's wrist. Jim sent him a weak smile, eyes expressive with an emotion John was almost fearful to identify.

"And then you came along."

"Me? You keep saying things like I changed something or I'm special…I'm just an average bloke, Jim."

This, at least, drew a bit of a chuckle from the madman.

"Oh, you are so much more than that, John. I knew from the first time I watched you, that you were different. You aren't like other people. You've seen and done things the people around you couldn't even imagine. Even Sherlock. How long do you think he'd survive in a war zone?" Jim's smile was self-deprecating at best. "Probably not much longer than I would."

"What exactly are you getting at?"

"You are adaptable, John, to any situation you are put in. You adjust." He tipped his head in acknowledgement. "So long as there is a healthy dose of adrenalin to keep things exciting. You are at home wherever you go and with whomever you talk to. You make friends very easily. I've seen you do it."

This flustered John, somehow.

"Not that easily."

Jim gave him a no-nonsense look.

"I've been watching you for ages, John." Because that wasn't creepy at all and, somehow, with Jim it really wasn't. John had a feeling it would have been just a few days earlier. "That pub you and Lestrade go to? The bartender gives you a free round at least once every time you go. All the regulars greet you like family, even when you haven't been in for a while. Lestrade doesn't get that kind of a reaction when he goes with any of his other mates and he's been going there since long before he met you."

"You know, I'm not even going to ask how you know that."

Jim grinned like a shark with blood in the water.

"I do my research. The point is, people are drawn to you, John, and you thrive from it."

"I thought the point was that I was adaptable," John couldn't help but tease a bit.

"People being drawn to you is part of your adaptability." Jim leaned in a bit. "I'm drawn to you, too. But I am not so good at adapting."

John mulled this over for a minute. He was not as sharp as Jim or Sherlock. He had to take time if he wanted to make sure he didn't miss anything.

"So you don't think you can change yourself enough for me to want to stay."

Jim huffed out a sigh.

"Like I said before, John, you want to be a good man. But you want to be a good one by society's standards. My business? My lifestyle? As much as I would like to say I have helped people, I make my living by breaking the law. Repeatedly. As adaptable as you are, your moral code is far less so."

John could only stare at Jim in surprise.

"You do realize that I illegally carry a gun, right?"

"So that you can protect people."

"And that I've killed people?"

"In service to your country. It's not the _same_ as what I do, John. There's no sense in pretending otherwise."

"And I'm not saying we should. I'm just saying that my moral compass may be a bit more skewed that you think." John took a deep breath to calm his thoughts. "Look, I'm not saying I'm okay with a lot of the things you've done, or a lot of the things you will do. And I'm not saying that those things won't ever cause a problem between us. The truth is, they probably will. You're completely right. There's no sense in pretending otherwise."

Jim went to pull his hand away.

"Then I guess we should jus-"

John snatched his hand back and bowled right on over him.

"What I'm saying, Jim, is that we have some difficulties in our way, but that doesn't mean they're impossible. Or that we can't both get what we want here."

Jim's eyes were huge as he looked up at John, clearly nervous.

"And do you really want this? Us?"

John couldn't help the smile that slipped onto his face.

"What can I say, Jim? I guess I'm just drawn to you."

He leaned in, then, and pressed a soft kiss to Jim's lips before the brunette had a chance to respond. He pulled Jim up off the bench after breaking the kiss.

"Come on. How about we go check out that game with the crossbow? Maybe we'll have better luck with that."

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out. At least I did it!


End file.
